Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
