Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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