There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome