:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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