Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?