help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
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do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
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I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle