dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
