Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
