Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
