I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
