I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
