just tell him i said nine months
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
How's work?
Spinning.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
