That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
