On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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