ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize