I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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