Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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