My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
