JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
