You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
