Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
