did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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