i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
