my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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