I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
