I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
