Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
