Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
