I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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