2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hippo gnu deer
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
