OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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