so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
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we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
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So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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