Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Holy shit dude........stairs
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
