He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
