He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
