her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
