someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
