mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
its not stalking. its research.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
