party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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