It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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