im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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