his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
