I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
