That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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