I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
