Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Drunk is not a location!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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