Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
