just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Someone signed my nipple.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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