Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
