I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
