After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
