I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
