My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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