bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
