He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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