her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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