Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
