Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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