Kiss
Puke
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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