I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
