All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
