Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm going to jail i love you
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
