i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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