I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
