Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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