Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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