I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
