Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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