I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
