How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
