My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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