I want to make a zoo with you.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
