I puked a lego.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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