At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize