dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
