Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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